TL;dr: if you’re not cumming during a sexual encounter, no one should be.
He cums and you don't.
But it feels good when he's kissing you, and you want him, and he wants you and it's this thing you both want. But then he cums and you don't.
Maybe it doesn't bother you right away, not at first. In the moment, you were thinking it was so hot the way you’d made him cum (though later you'll find out he cums for other girls and porn and a bottle of lotion and the idea of almost any girl ever eating a banana slowly). And so, it turns out you're less of a sex-wizard and more of a receptacle and isn't that just the grossest way you've ever thought about your vagina and your body. You don't want to be a receptacle. And maybe you'd feel less like one if he was bothered by the fact that you didn't cum.
I hear you say the sex was great...is great, the sex is amazing.
Do you cum every time I ask, and you pause.
Well, no.
Then what the fuck are you talking about, trying to convince me that just smelling a cheeseburger is enough to make you feel full for the week and you don't even see the insanity of it.
They used to call orgasms “little deaths” which didn’t make that much sense to me as a teenager, masturbating to my imagination’s content. But every time I hear girls talk about sex like their orgasms don’t matter, I die a little inside. So, I kind of get it now.
And maybe I could get on board with the whole it's the journey not the destination thing (relax, I said maybe) except he's always cumming. He's cumming every time. And there are all these excuses like it's harder for women and we're more complex and you're goddamn right it is and all the more reason to pay extra attention to it.
Except that I don’t actually think it’s harder (on the average, don’t you dare derail this conversation by talking about the aberrations—which are valid and important but this isn’t the time). I think society makes us all think it’s harder, and I think men’s inadequacies have pressured us all to think it's harder, but I’ll tell you what—I’m not a particularly special babe, just a regular run of the mill fucker—and I’ve been masturbating and cumming since before I knew what either of those things were. Six years old and I was masturbating while watching Mr. Dressup (shout out to all the Canadian elder millennials in the house!) because it made me feel warm inside (until my mom told me that those were private activities and then I kept my pleasure shenanigans for my bedroom).
What I’m saying is most men have fewer skills than a six-year-old, but I digress, my point is that it’s actually not that hard, we just live in a world where the effort that’s required is devalued to such an extent as to make it seem unworthy. And before you say that men, however, do seem so goddamn thrilled when they can make a woman cum, and how much they talk about it with pride (even if they don’t know that they haven’t actually made her cum) so often their talk and understanding of a woman’s orgasm is only in terms of their prowess. She came because I’m a great lover rather than she came because she fucking deserves to and what a monstrous affair it would be to stick a dick in someone while giving her less than half the amount of pleasure. Or something like that, we all know men aren’t very eloquent (lol).
Now, am I saying that every woman should be able to cum with ease in all situations? Absolutely not, those are the stagnating expectations of a perfectionist. If you aren’t regularly (and during this pandemic ugh who is regularly doing anything except crying uncontrollably in their car eating curly fries) cumming that’s okay. We can work on that. But what you need to do on your own is to no longer buy into their (men, society, your problematic aunt, who-the-fuck-ever) bullshit that our orgasms matter less.
And the bullshit isn’t this clearly defined, eloquent speech because if you ask most men if women should get to cum, if our orgasms matter, they’d say yes. In theory, we’re all equal. Except that I’m forty years old and I have fucked more men than you would guess (smart ones, hot ones, dumb ones, sexy-ugly ones, MMA fighters, Graphic Designers, Neuroscientists, Pro-Athletes, famous Poker players, Olympians, Economists, Psychiatrists, cops in training (my bad, ACAB), several gym bros and a few regular bros in there too) and I’m here to tell you, they all would’ve said my orgasm mattered and their words did surprisingly little to make me cum.
And before you try to suggest that it's because I’m fat and those men somehow cared for me and my pleasure less than if I had been a straight sized beauty—get your head out of your ass because thin women miss out on orgasms too! I would wager that thin women miss out on orgasms at the exact same rate as fat women except that—since I changed my ways to only hooking up with men who wanted to lick my pussy without expecting anything in return—I’ve really gotten the numbers up for us fatties. You. Are. Welcome.
So the next time someone talks about how hard it is to get a woman off—correct them. And if you don’t yet have the words, and aren’t yet confident that I’m speaking the truth about all this (I am) send them my way because I have absolutely no problem setting them straight. It’s 2022, and I’m ready to do the lord’s work.