My favourite thing about dating apps is that so often when you think things are at their absolute worst—a man will surprise you and sink things even lower. Take “G” for example.
It was summer 2023 (the shortest summer in terms of good weather and the longest in terms of how long it feels like I’ve been trying to find someone worth meeting up with).
So like I said, the year was 2023 and the season was summer. I was on a kick of messaging men to ask them about their favourite TV show. Why would I ask such a question? Honestly, because outside of finding men who wanna lick my puss and not annoy me, I’d really love a dude to watch some of my fave shows with (or if not that, one to talk about them with, or failing both those options at least a man I knew enjoyed good dialogue and wasn’t stuck in the past).
No one will be surprised, least of all me, that asking this question did not go as planned. 30% of the men responded that their favourite show was Seinfeld and like yes, it’s a great show but I mean, you haven’t seen anything even comparable since then? Feels very Joe Rogany if I’m being honest. Another 30% said that they don’t watch TV (which is fucking insane and I will not be elaborating). I asked one man who said he didn’t have roommates what he did while eating dinner, like do you just sit their silently? He laughed and said he watches youtube (which like ugh what a worthless distinction, he should’ve just told me what he watched on youtube. Why are men so fucking difficult. 39% of men didn’t respond (because they died over the weekend, obvs). And then finally, 1% of men are total nightmare people like ol G down below.
I mean, in all fairness, I’m sure there are thousands of people just like G who would maybe have enjoyed his bristly grumpy-old-man approach to answering my question. I’m not one of those people. I’m looking for someone with social graces, who understands what it means to lean in and go along to get along (at least in the initial stages when were strangers). But, if you’re like G, and didn’t find this conversation that bad (tbh I feel like i really gave him the benefit of the doubt by keeping it going and just hoping it was a weird start that would end well), keep reading to the end.
Can you even imagine a world where men don’t talk about their dicks? It’s so foreign to me I cannot even fathom it. So, if I could give men one piece of dating advice, it’s don’t talk about your dick. Not in the chat. Not in the text. Just never. Even if you end up sexting, make it about her. Be surprising for once in your goddamn lives. Keep your dick to yourself. She’ll love you for it. I know I would.