I remember a time when I used to be worried about getting murdered by someone I met through the apps. Now though, now I only worry about the boredom, the offence, the shocking amount of sheer stupidity that has me regularly asking, “why are you like this, brah?” If I could return the product that is dating-cishet-men, I’d have the label taped to the package and the package dropped off at the post office before you could say return policy. Like sir, I will pay for the return shipping myself idgaf.
Um…it’s Fuck Buddy not Fuck Partner, sir. Get it the fuck together my guy.
First off, it’s Vicki not Vicky and that attention to detail does not bode well for a man being able to find my clit. Also, please don’t talk about kissing above a picture of you and a child (those glasses aren’t an invisibility cape my guy). Have some decency.
It takes everything in me not to respond to every message like this with: “Kill yourself immediately” but I hope that all of you at least know I’m thinking it. Life is precious but these men are not. No justification needed.
There’s nothing more jarring than a man openly fetishizing you. Also, I know that “play” is big in the kink and swingers communities (so I’m working on this) but it’s so fucking corny I just can’t. No sir, I don’t want to be played with. I am a human being. I’m trying to get railed (jk jk but that sounds funnier than anything I actually do want from a man lol).
When a man suggests something he knows you’re not interested in, it’s on purpose.
Size queens really ruined this shit for us. Do some men think the clitoris is the cervix? Like rearrange my guts, sir, I don’t even want you to rearrange my furniture get the fuck outta here. Also, I would be my life he doesn’t.
He really came out here to say that size is correlated to fun and I’m nothing if not a scientist (I’m not a scientist). Men are so fucking corny, I truly can’t.
Why did he space it out like that? I shouldn’t find it so funny but I do—he was absolutely typing that one letter and then a space at a time like a little baby learning to use a phone. D SPACE T SPACE F QUESTION MARK I bet he writes the alphabet with his tongue when he’s down there lol Hard pass.
Men are insane. End quote.
I had a google photos album of all the ridiculous shit I used to come across during online dating, but a newsletter takes it to the next level! I love this (though I don't love all these guys, deep sigh on your behalf)