Andy #3 - The Second Time
Wednesday with Andy never happens. We left our last conversation with no conclusion except to say that Wednesday was when I was free. He makes no plans. He makes no moves.
While I’m in Seattle, Andy texts to ask if I’m having fun and I respond that I am. On my drive home from Seattle, the day of the evening we’re supposed to go out, Andy texts to say that he’s swamped with work stuff and has to cancel. He doesn’t suggest rescheduling. I change his name in my phone to YOU DESERVE BETTER. Throughout the weekend and then the following week, Andy continues to text but never makes anything happen. It’s a lot of how’s your day going and zero date scheduling. Andy uses a lot of words and says nothing.
On Monday, he asks about my weekend. His turtle pace rubs me the wrong way like knees sliding across carpet. His compliments land worthlessly at my feet. I text: so what’s up? By which I mean WHAT THE FUCK DO YOU WANT?!? but he takes to mean, what are you up to right now and proceeds to tell me that he was just relaxing on the couch, which let me tell you was a real thrill ride.
I ask if the only reason he’d texted was to find out about my weekend. He said that it was, And also to try and make plans, which was exactly what I wanted him to say so that I could say the thing I’d been dying to say for two weeks now.
I tell him that what he has on offer is not enough. I tell him that his mediocre interest is not something I’m interested in. Andy tells me that his interest is not mediocre. I tell him that the time for romance between us has passed (and then before I can stop myself) I offer friendship as a consolation prize. He said it’s a bummer, but he understands.
I’m immediately filled with regret for selling my friendship so short. It’s too late though, the words have already spilled out, the offer has been made.
Andy types an explanation I hadn’t asked for: I know I have been distant and not connecting.
Now, purely out of curiosity, I am asking: Any particular reason?
No not really. Just skiing most weekends. And not really taking the time to see how you have been and what is new and make plans for us.
He was confessing to scheduling issues or pointing out some incumberances that simply couldn’t be gotten over, but all I heard was him admitting he wasn’t interested enough. I couldn’t stand the way men mince words and waste your time. Sometimes I think maybe they don’t even know what they’re feeling themselves. It was hard to hear (through his explanations) that he just didn’t like me enough. The truth is he wasn’t worried about putting in the work because he’d figured I’d be waiting around for him when he finally got to it. I guess it didn’t matter much either way though, my interest was scrapped. Both Andy and my interest—straight in the bin.
As if offering friendship wasn’t a mistake to begin with, in the awkward silence I doubled down on the thing I hadn’t even really wanted to offer in the first place. Okay, well like I said if you want to be friends we can hang out (though if you weren’t that motivated to hang out before, not sure how much you’d be now lol) and then I ended it with a wink so it would seem bitchy but like, in a cute way.
He said he thought it was clever and I said: Always.
I like that about u.
Which I already knew.
I knew he liked me, moderately, somewhat, more than neutral, just not enough. I said something cute, he laughed, it was a real chuckle fest (which I then felt the need to crush in order to solidify the nothingness between us). Even in friendship, I wanted things to be clear. Plus, after I no longer liked someone, I’d say anything. You can be as open and vulnerable (and bitchy and rigid) as you want once you don’t care if that person wants to kiss you anymore. I said: All this said though, I have to tell you, I’m not a huge fan of uncertainty (I like to know where I stand with people, who wants to spend time wondering what’s up when that time could be spent having fun) so if you’re smarting because this didn’t go how you planned and you want a minute to decide if friendship could work, that’s fine. But if you’re not sure if you want to try to be friends the same way you weren’t sure if you were interested in me, let’s just go our separate ways no hard feelings 😊 ya know?
He said: I want to be friends. And then added: I would be happy for that.
Okay cool (good choice, I make an adorable friend lol).
I know you will.
Did you want to make a plan to hang out or give it a minute and see what’s up down the road?
And just like that he disappeared from the conversation, and I wondered if I’d watched enough Law and Order to be able to get away with murder. Twenty-five minutes later I said: I guess we’ll give it a minute then.
He came back to say: Haha. I was doing something else (which really didn’t seem that funny to me) and then: Not ignoring you 😜
But I hadn’t thought he was ignoring me. I had thought maybe he was uncertain or didn’t have the words or couldn’t bring himself to answer or hadn’t figured out what he wanted, not really, or was just a real piece-of-shit human who didn’t care about other people and wasting their time and never gave it a second thought to be in a rapid back and forth conversation only to then disappear for thirty minutes without a heads up. I’d thought a million things, but I hadn’t thought he was ignoring me.
I said: Ok. And when he said nothing, I added: Though it seems weird you haven’t just answered the question lol. But I wasn’t lol-ing. Jesus, how many times had I used the lol to denote awkward laughter, nervous laughter, I-kind-of-fucking-hate-you-for-making-this-so-uncomfortable-and-difficult-for-me laughter, I-didn’t-even-want-to-be-friends-I-don’t-know-why-I-offered-you-anything laughter.
Fifteen minutes later he responded with: Yes let’s and it all kind of fell into place after that. Something like (me): Ok. When are you free? What did you want to do? (him): Free Thursday. We could go to dinner. (me): Sounds great (to both). (him): good.
And then I’d guess we’d just wait and see.